“And Action!” I yelled into the microphone.
Nicolas Cage roared. “And the whole time…you stand there…with this who-me…expression…on your FACE!”
“Cut! That’s from Trapped In Paradise, 1994? Nic, can you stick to the script?”
“I am sticking to the script,” Cage said, “Just not yours! Who wrote this? My Manager told me we were rebooting Left Behind to do the Bible right this time. Only instead of Charlton Heston in the last scene, it’s me, standing over the smoking body of Judas Iscariot, yelling ‘You damn, dirty apes!” He shook his clenched fist in time with the syllables.
A red-shirted assistant screenplay writer interjected, “I’m sorry, Mr. Screwdriver. I know you said to ignore him but, I have to ask, which book of the Bible references ‘Damn, dirty apes?’”
Cage continued, “Nicolas 3:16, for the Lord so loved Nicolas Coppola that he included ‘Damn, dirty apes’ in the Bible in anticipation of the Bible digital extra starring Nicolas Cage!”
I shot the redshirt assistant, for engaging; two in the chest, one in the head.
Then I corrected Cage. “This isn’t the Bible; this is the story of Phillip Thor Odinson Screwdriver…”